And it simply meant I am not pregnant. I kept thinking Monday is 25 Oct and it was only before stepping out of home that I realised today is only 24 Oct, not 25th. But I'm at D17 anyway and went ahead to have my hCG blood test.
Surprisingly, it wasn't that packed at the IVF centre. Its a Monday! Where's everyone?? My schedule said to reach between 7:30am to 10:00am and I stepped in at 9:30am. I was happy to find the drop-off box outside consultation room1 empty saved for mine. It was the quickest visit ever and I was out of the clinic in 20mins all in all. Results will be out in the afternoon and I was told to expect a call between 1-4pm.
Irene was so anxious and at barely 1pm, urged me to ring IVF centre for results, which I did at 2:30pm. I was equally anxious and more nervous than Irene actually. But in my heart, I was already mentally prepared for a negative result so I will not be overly sad when reality sets in. And the nurse said: "I'm sorry mdm but you are not pregnant". My beta reading was lower than 1.2 ~ At 3-4 weeks, it was supposed to be in excess of 100..
I am taking it quite well actually. Abit sad but well, I was already prepared for the worst. Vince is more affected I guess .. he sat on the couch and was in a daze. Dont be sad darling. We still have 2 frozen embryos remember? As of now, we can only hope & pray both survive the thaw and will still of good grades for transfer. I wished I had more follicles to go for blastocyst ~ sigh ..
And my other problem? Dr Loh will be leaving KKH for TMC end of 2011. This meant I can only have my IVF at TMC. I mean, if I'm going for a 2nd cycle, I have to go for the best gynae right? I decided long ago I'm going to follow him to TMC. However, TMC is a private hospital and I will not enjoy government subsidy. While I paid just about S$1K for our first cycle, the 2nd (if any) at TMC is going to bleed me of about $6K in cash ($11K - $5K medisave). Perhaps I can also consider skipping FET and start my 2nd cycle at KKH while Dr Loh is still here? I have no idea .. I'll be seeing him this Saturday morning and will discuss what my options are then.
I remembered Dr Loh telling me that I do not actually need to go for IVF, given that Vince's sperm are strong swimmers. No one gave us any reports and I must remember to ask him for his sperm count this Sat. I must also remember to ask him about IUI .. The waiting time for consultation is at least 2 hrs and by then, I would usually be "brain-dead". This time round, the smarter me noted all that I needed to ask on my mobile. Vince expressed his concern and said he preferred that I do not go for 2nd round of IVF. He said he felt heart pain of the procedures I had to go through and he didn't want me to suffer anymore, but I really would like another baby ~! Its sweet of him to love me so much but its something I have to do. The last I need is to look back at 40 and regret not doing enough ~ Actually, having gone through the entire procedure, IVF isn't that terrifying. If I had known earlier, I would have gladly gone for it in May and not rescheduled all the way to Sept. Time and tide waits for no man, and its too late for regrets ~
I'm so blessed to have friends who kept track of my progress and texted me at the appropriate times offering support. While I enjoyed my 2WW at home, I'm equally happy to go back to work on 27 Oct.
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