Skincare, Makeup FOC

I've been working for nearly 20 years and I buy all the personal stuff that I own, be it skincare, makeup, bags, shoes, apparels, etc etc .. I've lavished my mom & my sisters but I hardly have people buying me gifts~ hence, imagine my delight, excitement & pleasure at the frequent skincare/makeup I get every other day!!

Ok there were more than these but I was too tired from work on those nights to remember to pic them:

Of this lot, I love Soap & Glory's "Wish Upon A Jar" most! It comes in a cool silver globe and the rich collagen smells heavenly! I just love putting it on every time.  And because it came to me FOC, I am really "generous" everytime I use this, taking a larger-than-neccessary" amount and use my palm to soothe it over my entire face, neck and elbow.  Its been a week and while I'm not certain if it delivers what it claims, I do find my hands feeling extremely smooth ever since I started on this!  I have a very bad habit of washing my hands frequently so they are really dry.  After a week of this, my hands are now smooth even after constant washing throughout the day.  Vince was unconvinced but had to agree to my verdict after I applied some on his own hands .. further, I have oily & sensitive skin but I've not had any breakouts at all! My face was not much oilier even if I wear this under my makeup.   Verdict: If you have about SGD60 to spare, I will encourage you to give this a try. Me? I am going to continue with this.. at least until I find another that surpass this.

I took this off Soap&Glory's www:
21 Day Collagen Overhaul Cream boosts moisture levels, smoothes fine lines and wrinkles, brightens tired skin and hides imperfections (with TRIPLE-ACTION YOUTHFAKE™ Diamond spheres specifically designed to disguise dull, exhausted and aging skin). It’s got antioxidants,
shea butter and quite possibly the most potent mix of clinically proven anti-wrinkle SUPERPEPTIDES™, oxygen boosters, puffiness reducers, pigmentation, large pore and fine-line disguisers ever witnessed… and in 21 days flat can take a tired face and make it look FRESH!

Another night, I got this on my vanity top.  Vince had gone to his mum's to pick up Kyros .. what a pleasant surprise!  You should have seen my face hahahah ..

OK this was just fine .. not exactly my cup of tea as I am not a big fan of in-house brands .. this pouch contains mostly Sephora makeup ..

And this came in 2 days back .. a lancome pouch that contains samples of their Maqui whitening foundation, BB eye base, etc ..

 Hmm.. I've never been a fan of Lancome so I'm most likely to pass this on to my sis ~

And today, I got this!

Ever since I labelled "Wish Upon a Jar" as my HG, I have been keeping a lookout for their other products and this explained my delight when I opened the bag.

And the hightlight of the day is the bottle on the top left hand corner, Soap & Glory's "Hocus Focus" Highlighting Lotion. I cant wait to try this out!  And I have to mention that the body polish & body wash smells just like my fav "Wish Upon a Jar"!  This sounds abit complicated to use though ~

What is Soap & Glory Hocus Focus Lotion?
A BLAST OF BRILLIANCE FOR TIRED SKIN! An INSTANT visual flaw-softening lotion with long-wearing LIGHTSCRAMBLE™ lumispheres. Contains a delicate hint of our popular Rose & Bergamot fragrance.
How do you dew it?
PLAY DOWN THE FLAW!
Use Hocus Focus alone as a cheekbone highlighter, mixed with moisturiser as a gorgeous skin brightener, or blend 2-3 pumps into your foundation (for a youthful, dewy, luminous look).
Can be used in conjunction with Catch a Wrinkle in Time daily moisturiser.

USE TO DIFFUSE:
- Large pores
- Wrinkles
- Uneven pigmentation
- Suitable for all skin types

Oh well, there were others like a GAP overnight bag, a dr hauschka tote, and a whole bunch of fragrance vials .. I wonder what Vince will bring back tomorrow ~ haha ..

SO-IUI

29 October 2011
Appointment with Dr SF Loh
KKH, 10:05am

As usual, we were early.  I registered at 9:45am but got to see Dr Loh only at 12:30pm. My enthusiasm at seeing him plummented to rock bottom. I was down with bad sore throat, headache, flu and cough since Tues, my eyes were dry and I was feeling exhausted. Irene had managed to squeeze in an appointment to see Dr Loh as well but hers was at 12:45pm.  I was hoping she'll be earlier and we can catch up like we always do but Bryson was so so slow and  I only saw them after my consultation.

There were a lot of patients today, an overflow because Dr Loh was away for 2-3 weeks on a conference. And long were the consultations today! I guess most of his patients were now very concerned with his leaving KKH end of 2011.

I had alot of respect for Dr Loh.  While he might seem cold and sarcastic, nonchalant to some, I find his patience remarkable.  The first ER for any day is 7:30am, and given the number of patients he sees a day, the nurse said his last patient usually leaves after 6 in the evenings, and even later on Saturdays, though it is supposedly a half-day consultation.  And that is provided he do not get called away on emergencies such as deliveries .. plus, given the number of pregnant patients he has, I cannot start to imagine his weekends .. He works such long hours. He is at the hospital early and leaves late. I say, his wife is truly one remarkable women.  I was told his elder daughter is studying in Australia and his younger in JC.

My menses came on 27-Oct, days after I stopped duphaston.  I wanted to have my FET done as soon as possible but Dr Loh advised against.  Apparently, I needed a month break in between for my body to purge out all the drugs that I had taken these past few weeks.  That meant we can only carry that out after my Dec MC. I am PCO and have irregular MC, so Dr Loh prescribed some med to induce my Dec MC. If all goes well, my FET will be carried out before Christmas.

ProgyNOVA 2mg - 2 tablets every morning for 5 days (from D3 of MC) then 3 tablets every morning for the next 10 days.
Norethisterone 5mg - 2 tablets 2 times daily for 2 weeks (from 12-Nov-2011)
Asprin 1000mg - 1 tablet every morning (once Dec MC starts)
Total cost: $29.44

During ET, Dr Loh said I do not actually require IVF.  He said Vince sperm count is at a very healthy 145million and his sperms are very good swimmers.  I asked and he confirms I can skip 2nd cycle of IVF and instead, go for SO-IUI (Superovulation & intrauterine Insemination).
http://www.kkh.com.sg/Services/Women/KKIVFCentre/Pages/SOIUI.aspx.

Dr Loh will start seeing patients at TMC from 2 January 2012.  Where the IVF at KKH is between $10-11K, TMC is charging $15-21K.  No government subsidy will be given to private hospitals and maximum Medisave deductions is $5K for 2nd cycle. This means I have to fork out at least $10K in cash should I go for 2nd IVF cycle. I only paid $6K medisave & slightly over $1K in cash for my 1st cycle. Thus, I am really happy to know I can explore other options apart from IVF.

Besides cost, leave is also a concern.  My boss has bruntantly said she will not allow me any more hospitalisation nor medical leaves and that I am not allowed to go for 2nd cycle.  Then she added at least until after Dec 2011.  While I am most used to her being unconcerned about our welfare, I am most appalled at her insensitivity during this whole process. She has never offered a word of concern and is only interested to know when I can return to work.  I have always given my best at work and has been with the company for more than 4 years.  I have record low MC and is an experienced & responsible PM, even I said so myself.  Customers were happy with me and positive feedbacks were consistent all these years.  What else is she expecting from me?  I find that I dont understand her at all.  And I miss my ex-male bosses.  They were sympathetic and cares about me.  They trust and  believe in me.

Once I thought I could work till I retire in TI.  Now, my opinions have changed and I will  no longer reject job opportunities.  All these years, I've had agencies ringing me for similiar posts else where and I have never gone for them.  I guess I should start being positive and give them a try. Who knows? I might be just as lucky as Sham?  Sham's last day with TI was on 28-Oct, the day I returned from my leaves.  He has found himself another job as VP of Strategic Accounts with an annual income of over $200K.

So much about my unhappiness.  Anyway, I intended to make full use of this month and do all the things that I cannot do once I had my FET done.  I am going for facial, body massage, foot reflexology, laser off the milia seeds & moles on my face etc etc .. Haha ..

And since I am no longer pregnant, I decided I could use a little break and decided to join my mom, mil and aunts for a 4D trip to Penang (4-7 Nov).  This is organized by a friend of my mom/aunts & his trips are always so fun.  Whatsmore, its only $260 for adult and $178 for Kyros. Vince will begin his new job on 1 Nov so he stays in Sg taking care of all the rest. Oh yes, his 40year old elder brother needs to be taken care of! Rotten guy.

i'm no longer pregnant

And it simply meant I am not pregnant.  I kept thinking Monday is 25 Oct and it was only before stepping out of home that I realised today is only 24 Oct, not 25th.  But I'm at D17 anyway and went ahead to have my hCG blood test. 

Surprisingly, it wasn't that packed at the IVF centre. Its a Monday! Where's everyone??  My schedule said to reach between 7:30am to 10:00am and I stepped in at 9:30am.  I was happy to find the drop-off box outside consultation room1 empty saved for mine.   It was the quickest visit ever and I was out of the clinic in 20mins all in all.  Results will be out in the afternoon and I was told to expect a call between 1-4pm.  

Irene was so anxious and at barely 1pm, urged me to ring IVF centre for results, which I did at 2:30pm.  I was equally anxious and more nervous than Irene actually.  But in my heart, I was already mentally prepared for a negative result so I will not be overly sad when reality sets in.  And the nurse said: "I'm sorry mdm but you are not pregnant".  My beta reading was lower than 1.2 ~ At 3-4 weeks, it was supposed to be in excess of 100..

I am taking it quite well actually.  Abit sad but well, I was already prepared for the worst.  Vince is more affected I guess .. he sat on the couch and was in a daze.   Dont be sad darling.  We still have 2 frozen embryos remember?  As of now, we can only hope & pray both survive the thaw and will still of good grades for transfer.  I wished I had more follicles to go for blastocyst ~ sigh ..

And my other problem?  Dr Loh will be leaving KKH for TMC end of 2011.  This meant I can only have my IVF at TMC.  I mean, if I'm going for a 2nd cycle, I have to go for the best gynae right?  I decided long ago I'm going to follow him to TMC.  However, TMC is a private hospital and I will not enjoy government subsidy.  While I paid just about S$1K for our first cycle, the 2nd (if any) at TMC is going to bleed me of about $6K in cash ($11K - $5K medisave).  Perhaps I can also consider skipping FET and start my 2nd cycle at KKH while Dr Loh is still here?  I have no idea .. I'll be seeing him this Saturday morning and will discuss what my options are then.  

I remembered Dr Loh telling me that I do not actually need to go for IVF, given that Vince's sperm are strong swimmers.  No one gave us any reports and I must remember to ask him for his sperm count this Sat.  I must also remember to ask him about IUI .. The waiting time for consultation is at least 2 hrs and by then, I would usually be "brain-dead".  This time round, the smarter me noted all that I needed to ask on my mobile.  Vince expressed his concern and said he preferred that I do not go for 2nd round of IVF.  He said he felt heart pain of the procedures I had to go through and he didn't want me to suffer anymore, but I really would like another baby ~! Its sweet of him to love me so much but its something I have to do. The last I need is to look back at 40 and regret not doing enough ~ Actually, having gone through the entire procedure, IVF isn't that terrifying.  If I had known earlier, I would have gladly gone for it in May and not rescheduled all the way to Sept.  Time and tide waits for no man, and its too late for regrets ~

I'm so blessed to have friends who kept track of my progress and texted me at the appropriate times offering support. While I enjoyed my 2WW at home, I'm equally happy to go back to work on 27 Oct.

a torturous 2WW ~

Its D14 and I tested using home pregnancy kit this morning.   Perhaps I shouldn't have.  It was BFN (Big Fat Negative). 

And I wondered if this meant I have failed my fresh cycle ~ .. I was upset & told Irene I'm not going to test anymore till the hCG on 25 Oct. 
My usual PMS includes headache before, during and after my MC (menstration cycle).  I wondered if its coming cause I started having headache in the afternoon. Its afterall D14 huh? I'm keeping my fingers crossed since hCG is much more accurate than hpt.
My friend's dad passed away last Sunday and none of our ex-classmates could make it.  I contemplated, asked around and was advised against.  I've known her since we were 14 and since she knows I am in the most critical period of my IVF procedure, I trust she would understand why I couldnt attend her dad's wake.  Nonetheless, I sent Vince.  Vince was from a secondary school in AMK and used to hang around the old AMK interchange, thus he knows Jenny's dad who works there.  He was a heavy smoker and had died of TB.  R.I.P uncle ~

i'm pregnant!

erm, I meant I'm technically "pregnant" because there are two little embryos growing inside me at this moment.

and here they are! my possible babies currently at 6-cells each!

My ET was scheduled at 8:30am and as usual, we were early by abt 15mins.  I had drank about a litre of water since I woke up and it was sheer torture sitting there holding my bladder while waiting for my turn.  I was then told, that we always tend to drink too much. In fact, 2 - 3 glasses of water will be sufficient! I heaved a sign of relief and went to the toilet to release half my bladder which is literally at the verge of bursting.  Then i sat down and waaaaaaaaaaaaaited impatiently.  In no time, my bladder was full once again .. sigh .. any women who has gone for ultra scan will be able to tell you how disgusting the feeling is. It was tortuours! I rather take 20 self-administered Lurin or gonal-f than one of this scans. 

I was finally called to the ET room at 5mins to 9am.  The embryo room was just next to the ET room.  Soon, the embryologist arrive.  Spouses were allowed and Vince sat at a chair next to mine.  Mine was a huge incliner with stirrups and attached with scanning machines, monitor and all.  I thought it would be my turn soon but Dr Loh was so slow in coming and my bladder was again full and though the staff nurse&embryologist tried to make me more comfortable by lying me down instead of sitting, it just wasn't helping and after about 10mins, I ran to the toilet despite the shock on their faces .. erm, I seriously do not think I was the first to go to the toilet while waiting on the ET chair? anyway, I do want the procedure to end fast, and I do know they cannot scan unless my bladder is full.  I was also told that a full bladder pushes the womb downwards and will be much easier for ET. So, with that inflicted into my brain, I controlled myself and let go of just a tiny bit out of my bladder. I din't know that was possible until today! 

When I went back to the ET room, I was still feeling urgent.  But since I had waited for about 15mins, I thought my dear Dr Loh would soon arrive .. oh yes he did, after 20mins of wait in all.  By then I was delirious & my mind was practically empty.  And the cool man walked in with a cup of coffee.  I exclaimed:" thank god, you are finally here! what!! i'm dying! 你还喝咖啡!".. He only smile and tell me to relax .. hur?  You try that, Mr Cool Man.

And then he told me:
6 eggs retrieved
5 ready & fertilized
3 were usable, grade 3
1 unusable

I grumbled and complaint to Dr Loh that I was so upset so disappointed I only ER 6 eggs!  Having sufferred PCO all my life, its time it does something for me isnt it?  Dr Loh laughed and said cuz IVF dr scared I will get OHSS la, blah blah blah, so only give me lowest dosage of gonal-f, ie 150iu .. I said I felt well throughout the entire process, they should have more guts than this. 

And the million dollar question:
me: "so dr, what happens if I fail this cycle?"
dr: "try again?"
me: "huh? try another cycle?!! NO WAY! No way am I going to put myself through this process again!"
dr: "aiya don think so much la, you know, most of my patients who have already had one kid succeed at fresh cycle.  You will also la, who knows you might get twins!"
me: "better be the case cuz thawed embryo might not survive ~"
dr: "erm .. yes . "

I was asked if I wanted to transfer 2 or 3 embryos. Dr Loh said its up to me? And I was surprised cuz under govt subsidy, patients are only allowed 2 embryos each time.  I asked his opinion and he said 2. And I agreed.  At that moment, I didnt know I had made a very important decision! 

With my legs in stirrups, and all covered up except where the embryos were to be transferred in, the staff nurse placed the ultrascan on my stomach & after all verificatison is done, Dr Loh began transferring the embryos in.  It was embrassing having a male sitting right between your legs .. well, I was still embrassed and I covered my face with my shawl throughout .. silly me.  Nonetheless, the procedure went pretty well and was over in less than 10mins. The first thing I did thereafter was to ruuuuuuuuun to the toilet.

While waiting outside the ET room for my report, I saw a frantic lady along the corridor.  The moment we had eye contact, she asked if I was done? and that she was still waiting for her turn.  I said she could go release some of her bladder but she said she is the sort who will release it all and would not be able to hold back .. She got a shock when she heard  had sat in the ET room for 20mins while waiting for D-Man!

After collecting the medicine from the pharmacy, Vince sent me to my mom-in-law's place to rest while he goes to work.  Rest I did. I napped from 11 to past 2pm.

And I had to do use these 3 x a day (8am, 3pm, 12am) to support the lining. Each box of 30 caps cost $21.30 & I was given 100 over pills for use till 25 Oct.  No payment was made.  The cost will be dededucted through my medisave.

I was given this schedule and hopefully I do not have to run back to KKH for unscheduled visits (CHOY!). 

I received a call from KKH IVF lab guy in the evening. I think his name is Chong.  According to him, they had rechecked the 2 "unusable" embryos again before discard and realised that one of them is actually good and will be frozen together with the 3rd left over from this morning's ET! I was elated.  Vince was slightly pissed why they did not check thoroughly before this.  But who cares! It was more important to me, that I now have 2 frozen embryos instead of one! And thank god! for had I ET 3 this morning, this newly rescued grade 3 embryo would be a standalone.  Its all mental but I strongly believed the survival rate for a single embryo is freaking low but now my chances have improved!!  What can be better than this?  oh perhaps if I get twin girls?  Though it might freak me out on the increased expenses of rearing 2 new babies, I believe that if God should bless me with my longed for girls, He will also provide for me.  Amen!

D Day ~!!

Today is a school holiday so we left Ky at mum's place for a stayover. I was feeling so nervous, so scared. I hate operating theatres! But this IS the day we have been looking forward to & working so hard towards. As usual, I texted the friend who would understand exactly how I felt. And she made me felt so much better.

I was at the clinic 10mins ahead of time. Vince was given a bottle and brought to the sperm bank. After putting a name tag on my wrist, a nurse led me to the female changing room to change into white gown & pink kimono for cover up, wearing nothing underneath. I then sat outside the Ops theatre for my turn. About 5mins later, I was led to a corner where a nurse verified my personal details and inserted a tube into my left hand. Having had this done twice before, I knew its going to be painful. And yes, it wasn't a disappointment. It hurts! And then I sat back outside the Ops theatre to wait for my turn. One other patient was there and she told me she is also dr sf loh's patient, she has a 4yr old daughter and she has about 7-8 follicles. She started Lucrin on 9 Sep, 3 days later than me. 5 mins later, I was led to the theatre. It was a frantic of activities within. So much for a "production line". A nurse, Sara, whom i always seen manning the counter (I guess they rotates duties) was within, preparing me for Dr loh who thankfully arrived in about 5mins. He was late for Irene's and she was freezing in the theatre. LOL.

While Sara prepares me, another nurse on my right was busy with don't know what and 3 activities happened at the same time. The anesthetic goes in through the tube on my left hand, some was inserted at where the follicles were to be extracted and a mask goes on to my face all at the same time. The next I knew, I was at the recovery ward & feeling really really happy though I was still dizzy. Happy cos I finally got through ER!! Basically, the whole procedure is painless except the tube in my hand. I did not have a good sleep and kept having dreams. Vince was in all the 3 different dreams I had in that span of 2hrs. I woke up at 11:30am, had a glass of warm water, got changed and was debriefed by the same nurse who put the tube into my left hand.

And I was told 6 eggs were retrieved. 6! I stared at the nurse and asked unbelievably. 6? are you sure its only 6?? I had more than 26! I was so upset I felt like crying. After having the tube removed from my hand and collecting my hospitalization leave chit, I waited outside the consultation room for Vince to pick me up. Then i texted Irene, and the more I wrote her, the more I find myself tear. Irene had 24 eggs removed but only 15 were successfully fertilized. She had 2 for her fresh cycle and the balance frozen. When she failed her first cycle and went for her 1st frozen cycle, 7 embroyos were thawed but just 3 survived. 2 was transferred, 1 refrozen. So in my heart, I panicked. I wonder just how many out of the miserable 6 I retrieved is going to be successfully fertilized? Is it too much to ask of God to have all 6 to be of good quality? Even if half of them got fertilized, my guess is I only have one single chance to conceive, ie the fresh cycle. I do not have the confident that my thawed eggs (if any at all) can survive for a frozen cycle.

Regardless of the quality of the eggs, I was to be there at 8:30am on Monday, 10-Oct-2011 for ET. I was so upset because I had suffered PCO for years! Isn't it time it does something for me? Of all the times, it had to fail me during IVF. I had expected 20 eggs ET at least. I just knew I am not going through this again if I fail to conceive. I salute those women who went through multiple cycles, cause I know I can't. I refuse to put myself through IVF again.

Vince came from home and we went for lunch at compass point before heading home. I had a quick shower and slept till 8.30pm. My dear mother-in-law was so sweet. She made me chicken soup and all my favorite dishes. I was not feeling too well to go over so I had Vince pack dinner back for me instead. Thanks to my MIL, I don't have to take Brands chicken essence. While driving me home from KKH, Vince told me the first thing he did when he reached home (after giving his sperm at the National Sperm Bank), was to have a huge cup of coffee equivalent to the intensity of a double espresso. He is a heavy coffee drinker, always have it black and thick 5 cups a day. I had him cut down to 1 a day. He told me he felt like he has no energy at all for the last 2 weeks and today.

All I can do now is to wait patiently for Monday to come and hope all my eggs are of good quality. My hospitalization leave is from 7 Oct to 25 Oct 2011.

6 Sep to 5 Oct:  10units Lucrin (30 jabs)
22 Sep to 4 Oct: 150units Gonal-f (13 jabs)
5 Oct: 10,000units Pregnyl (at 9pm O&G clinic)
6 Oct: fast from 11:30pm
7 Oct: Ovum Pick-Up Day

these 4 tablets alone costs a whopping $22.96!

the last jab ~ 10,000 units of pregnyl

We just returned from my last jab of the IVF cycle, a 10,000 units of pregnyl.  We were at the O&G(24hrs) clinic 20mins ahead of the 9pm appointment.  I was apprehensive and abit scared.. silly, given that i have self adminstered 40over jabs since 6 Sep.  It turns out to be fine actually, the staff nurse is so experienced i didn't even notice the needle going in but as I removed the plaster before shower, the spot was a little painful and sore.  We were in and out of the clinic in 20mins and we reached home at 9:30pm.

my 2 x 5,000iu of pregnyl

my schedule ~

Tomorrow's a rest day before ER on Friday morning except I have to start fasting from 11:30pm. Not an issue since I do not have the habit of taking supper.

And now I'm showered, settled down in front of the TV with my laptop catching up on work, or rather preparing my backup list so I could free myself up to coach Kristy on GID orders so she could do my Samsung .. and at the same time feeling scared about ER on Friday .. sigh ..

4th scan - confirmed ER date!

Heavy downpour as we leave home and we were a couple of minutes late.  Luckily the centre wasn't too packed by the time I arrived and I got my scan done after waiting for 20mins. My! That was a record.  And I thought I could get back to office earlier today but no, the wait for consultation was so long!

And today was only a slight improvement to yesterday. 1 follicle at 17.5, 2 at 17 and the rest are 15 and below.  The dr said she consulted Dr sf Loh and confirmed ET this Friday, 7 Oct.  I do not have enough Lucrin for tomorrow's jab (last jab!) and had to buy a 2nd bottle .. its such a waste! because I will only need one dosage out of 28 that I paid for!  There were enough for one more jab (both Lurin & gonal-f) out of my balanced medication, so the staff nurse did both for me today during the consultation.  I do not have to return for a scan tomorrow morming. However, I am to take my last dosage of Lucrin at 8:30am in the morning, and return to O&G 24hrs clinic at 9pm for a final jab of HCG Pregnyl 10,000units.  My fasting will start at 11:30pm and nothing should be taken till after the Op on Friday morning.  Thankfully, my appointment is at 8:30am as I had hoped. 

3rd scan - hopeful ER on Wed

And we were back at kkh again this morning for another scan to determine if I am good enough for retrieval on Wed. We were abit late, reaching only at 9:10am and waited about an hour for the scan, 45mins for consultation, 20mins at the pharmacy.  OK not too bad today, I have 2 follies measuring 17mm, 3 at 14-15mm and a good number of them at 9-13mm.  I hope to have more of them grown to 17mm .. must go home and pray. 

so early yet so packed ~ there wasn't a seat unoccupied saved for the ones outside the consultation rooms

I forgot to bring my left-over drugs this morning so they could not tell if I had enough of Gonal-f.  I am certain I have enough Lucrin to last another jab though.  I saw another dr today, she looks like a south african, very very dark and twisted hair. LOL .. anyway given the time I am probably dued for ER, they do not want to despatch a full 300units gonal-f.  That pen which will see me through 2 jabs will cost about $205.  And so, dr prescribed me with 2 x 75units & told me to return the next day.  And I dutifully collected my appointment form and headed to the pharmacy for my prescription.  Oh my! A days' Gonal-f actually cost a good $110.10!

And I finally reached office at 11:50am.  I had been reading and replying messages on my BB while waiting at kkh and I knew how busy I'm going to be today, given that I have had the entire morning gone.  Thank God for his blessing. I was talking to Kristy at the pantry and decided to open the new gonal-f box.  I was surprised to see not a pen, but a pre-filled syringe, a bottle containing some white powder, and two needles, one fine & one frightfully thick!  I rang kkh and was told to return so they could tell me how to administer the drug. Apparently the nurse had forgotten to tell me to return after collecting it at the pharmacy!  OK fine, since everyone was out for lunch, I had vince come and send me over.  They had cleared all patients and I was the only patient at kkh.  ivf centre starts their day real early & ends early too.  Sara taught me how to but did the jab for me & i returned to the office in exactly an hour since I left for kkh.  Not too bad, but I have to stay back to catch up on work.

Naturally, 有人欢喜有人愁. While I am happy that D-Day is drawing near, my boss is pretty unhappy about my impending 2 weeks hospitalisation leave.  She aint happy about the scan I had to do every morning as well.  She told my colleaguse this is "not a good time" for me to go on such leaves & that I should have given IVF a go when I had lessor projects on hand.  I was not disappointed at what was being said because I had expected that from her.  Women who conceive easily will never feel for me, what I had to go through.  The fact is, I have been trying for a 2nd child for a few years.  And I remembered a couple of years back, when Audrey said she was ready for a child and will be planning for one, I was told to judge and not clash with hers.  So tell me, when then is a good time?  It was a big decision for me to go for IVF.

I know of people wh go through all kinds of alternatives treatment and not give any consideration to IVF. I was like that too.  For years, I had seen different gynaes, seen different TMC, taken horribly awful chinese medicine, swallow tons of pills and supplements, acupuncture, etc.   If I had known those were useless, I would still have hesitated if I should go for IVF.  And boss, yes I will come back to work after 2 wks and no, I am not lazy and certainly not a dumb cow (like someone) who uses all sorts of lousy and stupid excuses not to come to work just becuase she is pregnant.  No I will still do my work, but you might want to know that morning sickness is something no one can control? And no, don't worry, I ain't going to put myself through another of this cycle if this one fails, though I should have enough embryos to freeze for a frozen cycle. And boss, please be aware too, that my success rate is only 30% and will decrease with age. So, tell me, when is a good time for IVF?

dr said "no worries"

I continued to have brown discharge this morning.  I think it shouldn't be anything serious because my ovaries are now working very very hard.  After all, I am having about 15 follicles growing at an amazing rate in each of them. I cannot start to imagine how "swollen" my ovaries are right now.  I jsut received a reply fr dr loh confirming that the discharge is nothing to worry about and I heaved a sigh of relief.  There's nothing more comforting than hearing that from your doctor.

I had a good 8 hours sleep last night and woke up feeling much better than yesterday.  It wasn't so hard to take two packs of immunocol + 3 hard boil egg whites after all.  I got to persevere and continue to increase my protein intake. 

increased risk of OHSS

                                                    These two folks followed me to kkh today ~

my silly son .. forever so energetic, be it 8am in the morning or 8pm at night ..

I have been suffering from back ache, sore knee & ankle 3 nights in a row & it made me wonder if i am OHSS .. We were at the hospital again this morning and got myself a shock.. Shocked because instead of 15, the scan showed 16+13 follicles, and was told of my increased risk in OHSS .. *oops* i really should have tried harder on my protein intake ..the follies are growing really fast, given that the last scan was just 2 days ago. There were at least 3 above 14 and majority above 10.  Dr thinks i should be ready to retrieve them this coming Wed. I believe the scan next Mon should confirm this .. and this means I have to start handling over my work to various colleagues when I go back to the office on Monday ~  Lily is not going to be pleased.. after all, there are once again manpower shortage in our team, and with Ronald going Beijing for 3-4 months !! I know its not a good time for me to go on hospitalization leave but hey! when then is a good time? I am 37 going on 38, I have been with this company for more than 4yrs with record low MC rate.. I just have to think of myself first this time round.

Perhaps it is the fear of falling into the curse of OHSS, perhaps it is due to my lack of sleep but i was so so tired today. Thank God for Vince is not working today and besides being my chauffeur, he sent me to mom's place so I could nap while he sent Ky to swim class ..

I also discovered brown discharge when i went to the toilet earlier. I hope its nothing alarming .. after all the jabs I've administered, the last I need is to be told the cycle have to be aborted :( .. *keeping my fingers crossed* and hopefully the 3 eggs i ate at yakun this afternoon will help prevent the onset of OHSS ~

so how are you my follicles?

Again the room was packed when we reached KKH for our 9am appointment. I got my scan done an hour later, and consulted the dr after waiting another 30mins.

I have a total of 15 follicles today, of various sizes, ranging from mostly 6-9mm.  A couple of them are between 10.x - 11.3mm.  Dr said once a few reaches 17-18mm, they will be extracted. I was hoping I could retrieve like 25 eggs ~ so i got abit upset. 

I took a gonal jab at the dr's office and with one last dosage for tomorrow night. Another appointment has been set for coming Sat 9am to see how my follicles are growing & hopefully more will emerge!!

And as Irene suggested, I'm going home to indulge in protein.

time for stimulation ~

And so its been 17 days since I first started on lucrin. I am pretty sure I am not suffering ill effects from lucrin, except perhaps a little soreness at my legs .. and maybe some mood-swing .. I could be perfectly happy one moment and nasty the next.  Then again, Vince said I have always been like that .. zzz ... I contribute that to my PCO.  Haha ..

I started on gonal last evening. The pre-filled pen with screw in needles is fat but easier to manage than Lurin.

150 units ~ a minimum dosage to begin with .. especially with PCO patients like me

1. Sterilize the table top with alcohol wipe

2. Remove pen from pack, clean head with alcohol wipe

3. Screw in needle, remove outer cap

4. Pinch a fat middle, 2 fingers away from belly button, clean with alcohol wipe

5. Remove inner cap from pen & punge in needle

Holding the pen securely against belly & pushing the drug using my thumb

Count to 5 and pull needle out

and i'm a syringe collector!!

Ju and her dy dy

Julia is touring Taiwan before she begins work at a new company but her poor puppy is at home missing her.. I have a slight aversion to animals .. mainly because i do not fancy having some fluffy thingy running his/her tongue along my limbs .. I tried visiting my parents in long pants but i still cannot bring myself to play with dy dy ..

this is a super duper 笨狗！ the moment he heard us, he scrambled to the farthest end in the kitchen and stayed there for the longest time..

We were all laughing at him .. i believe he will be fuming if he could understand human languages ~ 

We finally managed to lure him out of his hideout but all he does was hide under the table.. very often, he would be either at the door watching out for don’t know who (maybe its julia?) likely to be julia, the one person who loves him most, who hugs him to sleep every night .. wooo I have to say something about this dy dy cuz he is really such a sweet thing ..  Apparently, he is very attached to my mom.  He reacts to her call for “paw” and “stand up” etc, those small little commands which I suppose ju taught him .. and he allows mom to carry and hug him .. allows mom to tickle him, and he snuggles up to mom and seems happy enough lying his head on her arm ..

We were sitting around watching TV and I saw dy dy going to/fro the gate, seemingly waiting for his owner to return .. poor dy dy .. i wish you understood when i said Ju won be home till another 2 weeks ~ 

When we were having dinner, I was kind of scared that dy dy will hang around me .. kyros chased him around the house and finally cornered him back to the farthest end of the kitchen ~!! mom then caged him .. and before going home, I decided to try a hand at him .. i said "paw, dy dy" and amazingly he gives his paw to me! he was skeptical about me i guess .. and was going to and fro, giving me his paw and retreating, giving again, and retreating .. but i was happy when he stood on his hind when i said "up dy dy". haha .. He allows me to pet him.. Ju said dy dy was brutally bashed by his previous owner, and thus he is now extremely timid. From the day Ju brought him home, he steers clear of dad, regardless that dad was the one who fed him, who tried to play with him .. haha .. he simply runs away when dad goes near, and he runs when dad wanted to carry him .. it was so funny seeing an old man and a 笨狗 playing hide-and-seek

photo taking

vince is home! finally someone to take pictures of how i administer daily jabs .. heheh .. here i am drawing lucrin into the syringe

after cleaning the area where I'm going to jab with alcohol swap .. the needle goes in ~ 

Its in~!! 

my collection of syringes .. i was told to bring them back to the hospital for disposal ~

2nd Jab all alone at home ~

It wasn't so bad preparing to self administer my 2nd jab at home, all alone. I went to youtube and watched how others carried out the jabs and was appalled at the carelessness they were administered. I decided KKH is more kiasu. I've got more swaps than I need so i used it to clean the table top as part of my preparation for the jab. I had initially thought to just lay a few pieces of kitchen towel on the table instead of cleaning it with swaps and spirits. I was still hesitating before plunging the needle in but i held my breathe and did it anyway. I forgot to count to 5 before pulling the syringe out though .. shouldn't matter i guess? Ok I believe I am going to get better with time ~ God Bless Me ~ and yes i slept with my toilet lights on .. something I never fail to do everytime Vince is away :(

and the good news for vince is, dr loh confirmed we can now resume sex & i can stop taking metfomin ..!!

Day 1 Lucrin ~

I finally made my way down to KKHIVF centre yesterday to collect the first drug to begin my IVF cycle & to of course learn how to self administer the jabs .. After dropping my appointment card & blood test slip(HIV test for vince), we waited for our turn. I signed documents for medisave withdrawal & was given a prescription for lucrin to collect at the pharmacy. Though the room was relatively empty, I waited 30mins for my drugs .. i was pissed! I cannot understand how I had to wait for 30mins when there were so few patients waiting to collect medicine? and everyone else seems to get theirs before me..?? soon, most of the seats were occupied, and my number was finally called. I gave a bored & uninterested look to the staff dispensing drugs .. afterall, the IVF nurse is going to explain how to administer the drugs to me so I didnt think she should waste time by explaining more. The staff was nice (i think my raging hormones made me unfriendly), she asked if i'm ok because i looked tired. I said I am pissed at the long wait. Haha .. what a bitch!

So finally, I made payment of about $105 & head back to the IVF clinic laden with a whole box of Lucrin syringes, extra syringes, alcohol swaps, and of cos Lucrin. The IVF nurses were really nice. The lady attending to me is in her 50s(my guess) .. and she's so patient. I cannot imagine myself repeating the same procedure everyday and have her kind of patience and kindness.

Vince was keen to learn but I could see that he is at the edge of fainting .. I am not afraid of jabs or having my blood taken but to self jab is something new. I was quite embarrassed because when i rolled up my blouse, my tummy was protruding out .. yeh I'm fat around my middle. I was assured, fat is good for such injections. Haha. Nonetheless, I know I have to get through this all by myself. After my "training" session, I was to do my first jab infront of the nurse. I hesitated for a split second before pushing the needle in .. man! it was painless! but scary the same. I am a brave girl. I believe I can get through the next few weeks.

Lucrin is the 1st step and though the bottle is tiny & less than half filled, I was assured it will last 28 days! I had to give myself 10units daily. This is a hormone suppressant and is supposed to delay the onset of ovulation. Meanwhile, I am to continue micrygynon30. I have to return on 19 Sep 8:00am for scans, blood test to monitor how my body is reacting to the drugs and I suppose to collect the drugs for 2nd stage .. this is supposed to encourage my ovaries to produce more follicles & for them to grow at the same speed for retrieval. With the inclusion of 2nd hormonal drugs, it means I will have to self-administer 2 jabs daily .. while I hope for good results from this IVF, I also hope I can avoid OHSS .. because I am PCO, risk of OHSS is higher .. Must pray~!!

I will be having my 2nd jab tonight and vince is away at BKK till Friday .. even thought we had a small disagreement last night, and we did not talk at all today, I still miss him. Hey hubby, you ought to be more considerate towards me! enduring my temper should be the lest you can do. in fact, all you have to do is contribute your sperm while i go through the jabs, scans, blood tests and delivery, confinement, etc etc etc ..

I had a slight headache after the jab yesterday. I intended to keep to before-bedtime jabs and hope i can avoid the headaches that is expected ..

and irene said i have to start taking this for protein ~ errr . I never like taking milk powder and the like but Irene assured me this is literally tasteless and takes on the taste of whatever i choose to dissolve this in, ie Orange Juice, yakult, etc .. This seems to promise heaps of benefits and costs $100/box of 30 pkts .. it had better be good .. hmmpf!

and the journey begins~

oh well, im just so sick and tired of having to do TCM and IVF alternatives all these years .. yes i do wish for another child especially since i appreciate my own parents for having 3 of us kids. my poor kyros is so lonely ..

through the encouragement of a good friend, i decided to embark on my journey for a second child ~

i called 3 weeks ago and was given an appointment for today with the infamous sf loh .. my appointment was at 3:40pm, clinic D. I reached 10mins ahead and did my registration, and it so happen that the admininistrator attending to me was the nurse for a gynae i used to visit in kkh . she said i looked familiar.. but i doubt haha cos its been like more than 10yrs since i last saw yvonne soong??

anyway, with that previous experience with soong, I knew the wait is going to be real long .. i hadnt had time for lunch so right after registration and having my weight/blood pressure taken, vince and i went for lunch. we returned only around 6pm and waited for about 30mins (or 2 patients) before i got to see sf loh ..

i printed my cycle (2008-2011), wrote down the list of supplements im currently taking, and a brief medical history of what i went through while trying to conceive in 2003 .. it was nice of dr soon to provide me with the details of drugs and dosage.. (though sf loh wasnt impressed with my choice of gynae) .. lol ..

he had intended for me to try conceiving with metformin and clomid .. and thus was surprised all i wanted was to start IVF procedure asap.. lol .. he said im in his generation but thinks like someone of the younger generation cos i want it now, fast, asap. aiyo can he blame me? i'm turning a year older in another 3 days!!

but i decided to humor him nonetheless and agreed to take one mth clomid after simulating menses in May .. and of cos lots of sex .. (vince must be happy to hear that from sf loh) .. but i got him booked for june! its so unbelievable! I'm actually going for IVF! im still very much in a daze .. and i need some time to come to terms with it ~

anyway tmr will be the beginning of my journey ..
folic acid 5mg - once a day
DYDROgesterone 10mg - 1 tab twice a day --> this is supposed to bring on the next cycle
clomiphene 500mg - 2 tabs a day --> day 2 to day 6

and im due for blood test on day 2 or 3 at the clinic
and im to expect a call from the ivf centre whereby an appt will be fixed for me to visit for an ivf briefing
thank god ive got my tubes checked previously at TMC .. so i don hv to go thr that embarassing procedure again .. and did i forget to mention expensive?